PostTraumatic Stress
by CodieOnCote
Summary: My spin on what happened in Somalia and what happens afterward. Distrubing images and lots of angst. Tiva!  Disclaimer: I do not own the characters
1. The Seventh Day

The sun was rising and it poured light through the rusted bars of her holding cell. The rays of light were quick to reach her skin and they sent shivers down her spine at the warmth of them. This small act of nature reminded her that she was indeed alive, despite how she felt at the moment. Bruised, bloodied, swollen and in more pain that any human being should ever be, she still clung to the reality that she was alive. As the light filled the room, she opened the one eye that was not swollen shut. Nothing but sand and brick and blood filled her vision. Every part of her body ached but it was her arms that hurt the most right now. She was tied to a chair, arms bound behind her. It had been six sunrises and six sunsets since she had been tied to the chair, and weeks that she had been held in this room. The pattern continued every week, six days in the chair and one day on the floor. She had been dreading this sunrise for six days. For as much pain as she suffered while bound to that chair, it was nothing compared to the pain she felt on that seventh day.

The sun had now completely enveloped the room and its heat was sweltering. If it fazed her, she did not show it. He watched her through the bars in the door, deciding if she was coherent enough for him to enjoy what he was about to do. She had a fire in her that he found insatiable. He had put her through hell and enjoyed every minute of it. Normally he would grow tired after a few days and immediately dispose of them, but this one was different. She did not cry out, she barely even made a sound as they tortured her. She would not crack, not when they slapped her, punched her, and kicked her. She was tough and they had moved onto more vigorous methods to get the information they needed. They whipped her, cut her, even burned her but still she would not reveal the secrets they needed. Her loyalty to the ones who had apparently deserted her astonished him. He had never met a woman with this much fight in her, and it both infuriated him and teased him.

* * *

She was no doubt a beautiful woman, one of the most beautiful he had ever seen in fact, but he was not about to be thwarted by her. He would do whatever he had to do to get this information. Physical terror was not doing anything to this trained assassin, so he had moved on to mental and emotional terror. She had been there for a week and he was growing tired of lack of progress. She was a woman and he was going to break her in the only other was he knew how. He had come into that cell and the swelling in her face had gone down significantly from the beating she took the night before, except for her lips. He approached her chair and grabbed a fistful of her hair. When she didn't flinch, he snapped her head back and bit her bottom lip hard before he kissed her. She was so taken back by the action that a small gasp had escaped her mouth.

"You like that don't you Ms. David" Saleem had whispered into her ear as he pulled back from the kiss. Ziva said nothing as his hands ran down her body. She had been expecting this but was surprised it had taken him so long; she did not realize why she was even still alive at this point. She did not give up any information, and they both knew she never would. He untied her bounds and as soon as her ropes hit the floor, she jumped into action. Ziva head butted him and knocked him to the ground, but just as she reached the door she heard an all too familiar sound of a gun cocking. Her shoulders slumped and she just turned around to see Saleem with his gun aimed straight at her head. "That was not wise Ms. David," he said wiping blood off his forehead. He took a step forward and smashed her across the skull with the butt of his assault rifle. She hit the floor but remained conscious; he quickly bound her hands again behind her back. "Now if you just co-operate with me, maybe you will live to see tomorrow," he breathed as he turned her around, "well now I believe that you have had this coming for a long time now."

Ziva closed her eyes as Saleem's hands roamed up her legs up to her stomach. Her breath hitched as he continued up to her chest and to the top of her bloodied and torn shirt. "Open your eyes Ms. David or this will turn into a spectator sport." She opened her eyes just in time to see him motion to the door. She knew what he meant and took his subtle threat as he continued. He ripped off her shirt and cut off the sports bra that she had been wearing for a week. Although she was dirty and bloody he still took in the sight with a disturbing lust. Ziva held back a shudder as he started to bite her torso. She would not give her attacker any satisfaction of a reaction. She was Mossad; this is what her whole life's training had taught her to do. She shut down as his mouth continued biting and his hands began to rip off her cargo pants. She was always good at hiding her emotions and this would be no different. She let her mind go, disconnected it from the horrible things that were happening. It only took one word to snap her back into the reality, or more so a pronunciation.

Saleem was more than enjoying himself as hit bit into her flesh leaving marks down her body; one in particular had even begun to bleed. He had already torn off her pants and was about to rip off her panties when he realized she had completely checked her mind out of this situation. In a desperate attempt to get her back he slapped her. Nothing, she did not even flinch. He acted quick and pressed his mouth in between her legs and loudly murmured. "_Zee-vah_, you know you want this."

Her eyes flashed over and she looked down at him. Only one person in the world said her name like that. The rage instantly came back to her and she growled at him. Within seconds she realized that she had done the worst thing possible, she had reacted and that had set him into frenzy. She was now fully aware of what was happening as he violently took her, and she was dangerously close to tears. Survival mode kicked back in and her body shut down, but her mind was racing. It was no longer in that room and for that she was grateful, but her memories had actually taken her to a worse place. They took her to him. She had been avoiding those memories because they had just hurt too damn much.

* * *

Her mind now snapped back to the present as the realization sunk into her gut. It was the seventh day and it was going to happen all over again. He had only said her name like that a few times but every time it caused her to react. She had hoped he had not caught on, she knew that was a wasted hope. By now all her hopes were wasted, and she was ready to die. It did not cause her pain to think that, she had accepted that her death was imminent. She only had one wish and it broke her heart to know that it was never going to happen. She wanted more than anything to just see his face one more time and say her name, "_Zee-vah."_


	2. Impossible

_A/N:__ Wow you ladies and gentlemen are fantastic! Thank you so much for reading this story. It is my first posting and I am glad you all seem to like it so far. Let me know if you still like it and I will keep writing! I apologize for how dark the beginning is, I promise Tiva will come into play. I just know that someone needed to write about how awful she was treated because we all know it would probably have played out like this if they had actual gone into detail and made her talk about this._

Saleem came into the room and took a knee in front of Ziva. Her head was down and she would not look up. He took pleasure in the fact that he had broken her. While he still had not received the information he needed, he had turned this wild, hard as nails woman into a broken shell of herself. However, the fire was gone and he was losing interest; one more night of lust and then he let his men have their way with her. Until now she had been off limits sexually to anyone but him. Now he was growing bored with her and his men were in need of a reward; she would do. "_Zee-vah," _he grunted, "are you awake?" She kept her eyes closed and her head down. At this point she was praying for death, _it is justified _she thought. The sound of a switchblade opening up caught her attention and she slowly opened her eyes. He had the blade pressed firmly against her neck.

"Now Ms. David it is very rude to ignore someone when they are speaking to you. If you do not start behaving I will have to cut that pretty little neck of yours." Her once defiant eyes now blankly stared at him, there was no fight left in her and it both pleased him and disgusted him. "I thought Mossad trained their people better than this, you are weak," he spat, "your time in America has made you weak and you do not even deserve my attention you pathetic waste of a life. You were broken so easily and now I do not want you, no one will ever want you again." The little bit of self-worth Ziva had left, just evaporated with his words. He was right; she was nothing, insignificant and pathetic. Even if by some impossibility she did survive this hell, she did not want to. No one would ever look at her the same way; she was weak and did not deserve to live. She had let herself be captured and tortured, she had let herself be broken. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she held back a sob.

He watched the glistening tear fall down her face, cleaning a path down her dirty cheek. He pulled back his knife and his mouth turned into a sinister smirk as he grabbed her by the chin and licked up the solitary tear. Before she could even shudder from the contact, he wound up and back handed her across the face. He untied her ankle binds and then her arms. She knew better then to fight back and at this point he did not even need to re-tie her arms back. She sat there lifeless on the chair. He twisted his wrist around her dishevelled hair and pulled her up. Angered by her submission he spun her around and kicked her back so that she fell face first into the dirt floor. He was on top on top of her in seconds and since all her clothes had been ripped from previous encounters she was already naked. Her wounded body reignited the lust as he took in all her bruises, burns and lashes. Some were healing and others were so fresh that the blood hadn't even fully dried yet. He dug his nails into a cut that spanned across her entire back. Her back arched up as she clenched her teeth in agony. This particular wound had been made weeks ago and was constantly being reopened with one of their whips. Seeing her back arch in pain sent waves of heat to his groin and he pulled her legs apart and began tugging at his belt.

* * *

Gunshots rang out and Saleem quickly jumped to his feet and made towards the door. Ziva had not even heard them; her mind was already gone from the room. Her thoughts were miles away as she thought of her team, her real family. Her blood family had left her to die in Somalia, an impossible mission which her father had known from the start. Her team would never have done this to her because they truly were family. She didn't deserve them, any of them but especially not him. He was just trying to watch her back when this whole disaster had started. Michael was not a good guy, and she had been too naïve to see it. Tony was just trying to protect her, and she had ruined the best friendship she had ever had. She pulled herself back to Somalia because no amount of physical pain could hurt as much then knowing she would never see her best friend again. She would never be able to tell him how she truly felt about him.

She opened her eyes and realized that Saleem was not on top of her, no one was and she was alone in the room. Something was off; he never left before he had his way with her. Either something was going on at the camp or she was very near to death. A sigh of relief escaped her lips at the thought of that, _peace at last._ Several angry voices were arguing just outside her door, but she could not put the sentences together. Suddenly the door swung open and Saleem rushed inside, "Get up now!" She stared blankly at him as he approached her and fury washed over his eyes. "I SAID NOW YOU WHORE," he screamed, "GET UP!" Her feet did not obey his command and before she could even process what he was doing, a metal pipe swung out and collided with her skull. An audible crack reverberated through the room and darkness consumed her.


	3. Desert Desert

_A/N: Thank you for reading and especially thank you to those who have reviewed. _

He blinked back sand and sweat, as he took in his surroundings. There was a window cut into the brick behind him flooding light into the small room and a wooden door on the opposite side. It was battered but there was a small cut out with rusted bars where he could see an armed guard outside. The floor was hard but covered in sand and he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "The 'Desert Desert' right, 'lot of sand …" he sighed. He took a good look at the floor and realized for the first time that there was blood mixed in with all that sand. Some of it dark brown clearly from being there for a while but some of it was bright red; though it wasn't the colour that had shocked him. It was the sheer amount of it, there was spatter all over the walls and spatter on the ground but among the patterns were massive pools of dried and wet blood. This had to be their torture room. There was just so much blood; he couldn't even imagine the number of people that had died in this room.

A deep throaty laugh caught his attention and Tony looked up to see that while he was staring at the blood, their host had come into the room and was now staring at him. "Ahh Mr. DiNozzo, you are awake." Saleem said as a sly smile crept across his face. "Yeah well you know Saleem I didn't want to keep you waiting." Tony retorted. "Oh by the way, fantastic accommodations you've got here, love what you've done. Could I get the name of your interior decorator?" Saleem's smile turned into a full on grin. "Like the colour scheme do you? Well let's just say I had some help." He winked at Tony "Now how is it exactly that you came to be here? Just speak what comes to your mind; you've been shot with a truth serum." Tony's breath hitched as he took in the meaning. He loved to talk and with a truth serum running through his veins there was no telling what he would say. He was quite certain he would be able to resist spilling vital information about NCIS and national security, but the topic of why he was here; that was going to be tough. His eyes watered just thinking about it and he tried to steer his thoughts in a different direction. "Well Saleem, I'm here to kill you."

* * *

"It's not normal" Tony stated as he ignored the quip about McGaga in red leather pants. That certainly wasn't normal, but he knew what his friend was trying to do. "I mean it's not normal we haven't heard from Ziva." He knew she wouldn't call or email or even write _him_ a letter, but Abby and Ducky? He knew Gibbs had not heard from her but he had been up in MTAC a lot recently, probably trying to figure out why she was not communicating with any of them. It was obvious though, he knew the moment they left her in Israel what was going to happen. They had left her at the mercy of Eli David and he knew that had sealed her fate; they were never going to see her again. His stomach flipped in ways he did not know were possible. She was gone and it was his fault. He couldn't stop replaying that night in his head, the look of absolute hatred in her eyes after he had shot Rivkin to death.

It did not taken any convincing on the part of Tim or Abby to help him figure out why Ziva had dropped off the radar on all forms of communication. They had come to the conclusion that she must be on a special operation since she had taken Rivkin's place on the Ki-don unit, but it had been two months. Two agonizing months of Tony worrying and lying awake all night; because when he slept he had nightmares and his nightmares always left her dead. As painful as reality was, when his eyes were open he still had a chance. A chance to tell her how he really felt.

When the news came that she had been aboard the Damocles, relief was quickly overtook by grief. Gibbs had walked into the room as the three of them looked at him in surprise, _"____Damocles went down in a storm, 28th of May. Off the coast of Somalia… There were no survivors."_ Tony's world had suddenly spun out of control. On the outside he covered his grief better than they thought he would, he had to stay strong for his team. On the inside … Tony was an absolute mess. He would stay at work as long as he could to avoid the pain of going home. Everything reminded him of her, the couch where they would curl up and watch his favourite movies together; the kitchen where he had made her dinner a few nights. The one room she had not been in was his bedroom and he thought he would be able to find solace as he tucked himself away from the world. It in fact turned out to be the worst possible place; the nightmares had gotten worse now that he knew she had met a watery demise. Every night he woke up with tears streaming down his face, every single inch of his apartment held a piece of her. He spent many nights in Gibb's basement, drowning the pain in bourbon trying to escape his ninja ghost. He had let his partner down, she was dead and it was his fault.

___

* * *

_

"So you must think she is still alive and that I have her then?" Saleem questioned. "What other reason do you have to be here but on a rogue mission to get her back?" Tony chest rose at the thought, oh what he wouldn't give to have her back. He pushed those thoughts out of his head because they would do nothing but bring him more agony. "No that is impossible because Ziva David is dead." Tony said and for the first time his heart believed him. "I'm only here for one reason, vengeance. I'm here to kill you."


	4. 8 Pints of Blood

_A/N: Wow, I am glad so many people are reading this story! I hope everyone likes it so far, let me know what you think!  
Thanks!  
_

Saleem stared at Tony incredulously. He could not understand this man's reason for denying his nature; his instinctual need for self-preservation. Vengeance truly was a powerful thing and could drive someone to the ends of the world; this he understood, but for a colleague? He had done his research into NCIS and yes they were partners but it was work and in their line of duty, death was an extremely common outcome. So why had this man risked his life and his now unconscious friend's life all to avenge a dead woman. That's when it clicked. A sadistic smile slithered across Saleem's mouth and be began to laugh. "Ah Mr. DiNozzo, now this all makes sense." Tony looked up from the floor, still amazed by the amount of blood, and locked eyes with the terrorist. "Oh well that's good." Tony breathed, "Can you untie me now so I can kick your ass?" Saleem laughed and stood up from the chair he had placed opposite Tony. He walked over to a motionless McGee and kicked him in the back; nothing. He began to pace the room carefully avoiding the blood pools. He watched Tony's eyes follow his feet as he maneuvered around the small room. "No Mr. DiNozzo, you are going to sit there and tell me everything I want to know. Tell me about this _Zee-vah_ David."

Tony's breath caught as Saleem said her name like that. It sent his mind into overdrive; he was the only one that was allowed to say her name like that. The truth serum was still coursing through his veins and he had been avoiding thinking about her. He knew the minute she came up the floodgates would open. Saleem would hear about all their undercover missions, their movie dates, the way she spoke and always butchered American idioms. He would hear all Tony's fantasies about his little ninja, how she had the most perfect body, how she constantly had this one little strand of hair that fell into her face and how he always brushed it away as an excuse to touch her. He would hear how Tony felt about her and how he would never get the chance to tell his Sweet Cheeks just how much he truly was in love with her. He closed his eyes, "What's there to tell Saleem; she's dead." "Oh no Mr. DiNozzo, I think there is much to tell. You are trying to hide it now, I can see the struggle. I can assure you the serum will make you talk. Now tell me the truth, this isn't just about vengeance is this?" Tony struggled, but this serum was strong and he snapped, "No, it's not. I am going to kill you because I loved her you sick bastard. She was on her way to kill you, and I am here to finish the job!"

Saleem grinned, "Yes I had gathered that Tony. You loved her and you are in pain over her death. I imagine that you have never felt a pain this strong in your life." Tony took those words in and lost himself in his memories. Saleem was right, her death truly was the most pain he had ever felt. Emotionally, the closest thing that came to this was his mother's death, but he had been young and he did not have too many memories of her. Physically the plague had ravaged his body, but that still paled in comparison to the aches he had over her. He had to admit he was grateful for one thing, in all his nightmares she had died swiftly; no pain. He was grateful that she had not reached her target, because for as much of a warrior she was, she was no match for the arsenal he had waiting for her. This place would have been the real nightmare. His eyes fell back into the present and he looked at Saleem who had begun to laugh.

"Ah you Americans, you are all hopeless romantics. Well since you seem so hell bent on vengeance, I should tell you something that will get your blood boiling. Your beloved partner, your Zee-vah, did not die aboard that ship." Tony's mouth dropped and he scrambled to close it. "You're lying, Ziva IS dead." The hope that filled his chest was almost visible, he knew Saleem was lying but he could not help the feeling of warmth that returned to his heart at the notion of it. Ziva. Alive. "You are correct; Ziva is dead. She just did not die at the mercy of a tropical storm." He winked and Tony's mind started spinning, "If she did not die on the Damocles, then that means she would have died on her way to get to you, or when she got to you…" he trailed off. His head instantly sank and he closed his eyes as he took in what that meant. Saleem's laughter continued as he took in the crumbling man in front of him, "Mr. DiNozzo, open your eyes. Do you know how many pints of blood the human body can hold?" Confused, Tony opened his eyes and answered, "Ten."

"Ah you are correct, if we are speaking about a man of course. A woman's body holds closer to eight." Tony's eyes widened and then dropped to the floor. _What is he implying… is he trying to tell me that … Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. _"Yes, the colour scheme in here is wonderful, definitely holds true to a Middle Eastern pallet," he said as he took in Tony's horror struck expression. "Did you still want the name to my decorator? Well technically speaking it is myself and my men, but the blood. The blood is of your precious _Zee-vah_. All of it." Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing, did not want to believe it. There was so much blood, too much. She had been in this room, and God only knows what he had done to her. Some of the stains proved she had been here for a while, but the fresh bright red ones … she had been in here recently. She had been in here hours before and they had missed her. She had died in this very room and he had missed her.

* * *

The room was spinning and he couldn't get a focus on anything. This changed everything. He felt like crying but was too shocked to do anything but stare at the blood. His pain turned to rage as he stared down the murderer. "You will be dead soon Saleem, of that I can promise you." There was a knock on the door and Saleem stood up to attend to it. Tony watched as the man's eyes turned to fire and his head whipped around to look at McGee and himself, before he swiftly left the room. "Tony, are you alright. I think they are here. " whispered a very hoarse McGee. He could have killed Tim for asking that, "No Tim, I'm not. I … I can't believe it." Angry shouts and the sound of multiple people approaching caught Tony's attention as the door swung open. Saleem had come back into the room but he was dragging in another prisoner with a sack covering their entire head and torso. He slammed the small figure down in the chair in front of Tony. Their frame was so petite it had to be a child and his blood ran cold. "We are moving, and we are not taking prisoners." Saleem said as he ripped the sack off. Tony choked out a gasp and his eyes glassed over. This wasn't a child, it was Ziva.


	5. 85lbs

_A/N: __Thank you so much for the reviews! It's very encouraging knowing that some of you are really liking this story! __So bummed tonight was not a new episode, but at least it was a Ziva filled re run!_

She didn't even look alive. If it hadn't been for the shallow movement of her chest expanding and collapsing, he would have thought Saleem had dropped her corpse in front of him as one last knife to his heart before he killed them. She was alive in some sense of the word. Her heart was beating, her lungs were breathing but there was no life in this ghost of Ziva. Her feet were black from dirt and dried blood. He couldn't see the skin but could only assume they were cut up. Her ankles were a mixed purple and yellow. New and old bruises two inches wide; she had been shackled. Her calves were exposed and they were streaked crimson red. Only minor cuts, so the blood must have come from somewhere else. The lower parts of her thighs set off his gag reflex and he choked back bile. Her once perfect, sun kissed stems were a kaleidoscope of colours. Bright red and light brown splayed over black and maroon bruises. There were cuts everywhere, some healing; some looked like they had cut to the bone. What disturbed him the most were the ten distinctive nail marks of someone digging into her flesh. Unwilling to think about what those marks meant he continued his gaze upwards. The shorts she was wearing were at least 3 sizes too big. Ziva had always been petite 115lbs to be exact, but she was solid, muscular. This woman sitting in front of him was extremely underweight; so frail looking. If he had to guess she looked like she was 85lbs. He was sure that if she were to stand, that she would not be able to support herself

He took note of the baggy shirt she was wearing, relieved because he could only imagine what her body looked like underneath. Her arms were beat to hell, covered in bruises just like the rest of her body. Her wrists, just like her ankles were purple and yellow. How long had she been bound and struggling? Her collarbone and neck pulled the same reflex in him as her thighs had. Distinctive bruises cover her entire neck. He had choked her; hard. Vicious bite marks were scattered in between her bruises. One mark in particular was angry and violent red, the dripping blood looked like it had just dried. His eyes travelled upward till he reached her face; her beautiful face. Her jawline was purple and her hair was matted down from sweat. Her lips were swollen and cracked. There was dried blood over her top lip that had trickled down from her broken nose. Her one eye was completely black and swollen shut. Her forehead had a gash across the entire length and was a dulling red. He finally came to stare into her one eye. It was purple from a previous hit, but it wasn't the colour of her skin that held his gaze. It was the blackness of her eye. Her once chocolate brown iris, so full of fire and passion was now pitch black. Saleem had been right, Ziva was dead. This woman in front of him was not his _Zee-vah_. She was broken.

* * *

Ziva opened her eyes groggily. All she remembered was a metal pipe being swung at her face and that was it. She had no idea where she was or how long it had been. She was in a different room that much she could tell. It was smaller, with no windows just a door that had light creeping in from the gap in the floor. The ache in her head was excruciating. She knew she had a concussion, and by the degree of pain, she guessed her skull may be cracked too. Everything was slowly coming back to her. It had been the seventh day and Saleem had come into her cell, prepared to do the unthinkable again, when he had all of a sudden got up and left. She was too out of it to recall what had set him off, but it was only moments later he had returned and knocked her out. She pulled herself up into a sitting position and tried to stretch out her stiff muscles and limbs. She had been held here for months and nothing like this had ever happened. Something was wrong. She thought about Tony while she was in the dark. If only she had one more moment with him, to apologize to him. Tell him everything that she had been holding back for four years, finally admit to him that she was in love with him and had been all along. She sighed, but even if he were to magically appear right now it wouldn't change a damn thing. She was damaged goods and no man would ever want her again, especially not Tony. She was ready to die.

Lost in thought, Ziva jumped when the door opened and two men walked in and grabbed her by her arms. They dragged her out into the hall where Saleem was waiting for her.

"We're leaving, and we are not taking you Ms. David," he smiled at her as he leaned in. "No matter how tempting."

Ziva exhaled in the relief knowing it would soon be over. Saleem saw the relief in her eyes and it infuriated him. He grabbed her by the jaw and twisted it so that her neck was exposed. He got in close so that his mouth was on her skin, his hot breath sending shivers up her spine.

"Before we kill you Ms. David, just know that you are a ruined woman. Even if you survived this, you will never be the same. No one will ever want you and you will never be able to trust a man again. When he touches you, undoubtedly you will think of me."

Before Ziva could even take in a breath Saleem bit down on her neck, sinking his teeth so deep into her neck, she couldn't help but cry out in pain. With those last words, Ziva finally gave up. That internal fire she had and was known for had finally been extinguished. After months of torture and agony, Ziva David was no longer a ninja; she was barely even a woman. Today, this moment she did not even feel human. She did not even notice when he placed a sack over her head and picked her up. Total sensory and emotional shut barely heard the words as she was roughly thrown down to a chair, "We are leaving, and we aren't taking prisoners." Hadn't he just said that? There must have been other prisoners here and he was putting them all together now to execute them. As he ripped off the sack, nothing could have prepared her for what was sitting in front of her.

It was him, Tony.


	6. Chocolate Brown and Jade Green

_A/N: Hey guys I am soo sorry for the delay, things have been crazy in my life! I am glad that it is still receiving views and I am especially glad for those of you who are reviewing. Thanks! Just a heads up, this chapter will involve direct quotes from the episode "Truth or Consequences" so I guess *Spoiler Alert*. However if you are reading this, it is already spoiled and chances are you have already seen this episode. I wanted to keep it similar to what actually happened, just more in depth and in detail. The real nitty, gritty Tiva is coming soon! _

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* * *

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Ziva's breath hitched as she took in the sight in front of her. It was Tony, a bruised and battered Tony. He had a cut on his cheek and his lips were swollen and bloody. Through her one eye, she caught the look of absolute shock in Tony's face; he was surprised to see her. There was something more in his gaze, something she could not place. The look in his eyes held more than she was willing to search for. Her chest felt like it was racing. This had to be some sort of cruel joke. She knew she was malnourished and that could account for the illusion in front of her, but something screamed at her that this was real. His eyes, the exact shade of green; they had to be real. What was he doing here? There were too many questions; the whys and the hows were swarming in her head. The cacophony of words was so loud it almost drowned out the agonizing screams coming from her heart. It seemed almost twisted that she would get her final wish just as she was about to die, but she could not argue the logic. She had wanted to see Tony one more time just to tell him how she really felt. Here she was getting her wish and yet she could not say the words. A painful thought crossed her mind and it broke her heart; Tony was here in front of her, and he was going to die with her.

She was so lost in his eyes that she almost didn't notice when she saw his green orbs start to move. She followed his eyes as they started at her feet and began to register what he was doing. She had not looked at her body in weeks and could only imagine what he was seeing. A damaged Ziva, a body that he would not recognize and like Saleem had said, _would not want. _His eyes travelled up her legs and she wished she could crawl inside herself to hide from his gaze. She did not want him seeing her like this. She was his ninja, and a ninja would never be captured alive. She saw when he stopped at her thighs and looked as if he were about to vomit. She looked down and saw the claw marks in her and quickly looked back into his eyes, not wanting to remember how those got there. His eyes continued up her torso and stopped at her neck, his eyes popped open wider and it looked as if he were going to vomit again. She knew he was looking at her fresh new bite mark. She did not know if it had bled or not; her body did not have the same feel for that anymore. He finally stopped at her face and met her eyes again. Chocolate brown and jade green.

* * *

"Out of everyone in the world who could have found me, it had to be you." Ziva stated, finally able to speak.

"You're welcome. So, are you glad to see me?" Tony joked as he tried to be his usual self. It hurt him to joke like this when she looked like she was on the brink of death, but he was trying anything he could to bring back a spark of his ninja.

"You should not have come." She was struggling to find the words to say. She wanted to scream out that she loved him, but could not force her mouth to form those three little syllables. The rejection of him not saying it back would be the final nail in her coffin.

"All right, then, good catching up - I'll be going now," Tony scoffed as he tried to rise from the chair he was tied in. "Oh, yeah, I forgot - taken prisoner!" His blood was starting to boil the longer he was in the presence of this lifeless Ziva. Where was his ninja, his _Zee-vah?_ There was no "pah" left. He was determined to kill Saleem himself for doing this to her, but this was not part of the plan. Then again, finding Ziva alive was not either.

"Are you alright, McGee?" Ziva asked realizing Tony was not alone.

"I'm just glad you're alive." He breathed back.

"You . . . you thought I was dead."

Tony nodded and agreed, "Oh, yeah." He fought back the tears at the thought of her dead. That image had played over and over again in his mind for months. Tortured him and every day it just got worse as he came to terms with the fact that the would-be love of his life was gone. She was gone and it had been his fault. But here she was alive, barely, and that too was his fault. He felt sick to his stomach again.

"Then why are you here?" Confusion washed over her. She did not understand why they were here if they had presumed her dead. They should not have known about her mission, and even if they did, news about the Damocles leaving no survivors was not hidden information. False of course, as had been planned, but not hidden.

"McGee . . . McGee didn't think you were dead." Tony grunted. He knew the truth serum had kicked in and she was getting dangerously close to asking questions that would tug at his heartstrings and make him spill his guts about everything he loved about her and how every single thing was the reason he was here; to avenge her … to die in hopes that he could end up wherever she was because life was not life without _Zee-vah._

"Tony, WHY are you here?" She could see the internal struggle within him and did not know why he could not just tell her why.

"I couldn't live without you, I guess." Tony barely managed to spit out. _Please don't ask why, _he thought. If she has asked him why, the floodgates would open up and he would be telling her about every detail he found fascinating about her. Her honey and lavender scent, that both intoxicated and soothed him. Her wild, curly hair that he loved to touch and just stare at. Anyway she wore it always looked sexy, but when it was down he just wanted to run his fingers through it and kiss her; hard. _Stop it Tony_, he chastised himself. Thoughts about her would not help him keep his mouth such.

"So you will die with me." Ziva replied quietly. She felt so guilty for what she had done to her team, her family, to Tony. They had started on a rogue mission to avenge her death and now they were going to die because of her. She felt like crying but she knew it would not do any good. "You should have left me alone."

Tony could feel the serum forcing him to tell her everything. He held if off and squirmed while he panted out, "Look - I couldn't - listen, you should know I've taken some sort of truth serum, so if there's any questions you don't want to know the answer to -"

"I did not ask for anyone to put themselves into harm's way for me. I do not deserve it."

"What are you doing out here, some sort of monastic experience? Doing penance?" He quipped.

"It is justified." She whispered.

"Get over yourself."

"I have. I am ready to die." Ziva whispered.


	7. Can You Fight?

_A/N: __I apologize if this seems like a filler chapter, in some ways it is. I just wan't to get to the real David and DiNozzo, but some facts can not be over looked. Thank you everyone for your patience and your reviews, they are much appreciatiated. _

_

* * *

_"That's not how it works." McGee stated, still lying on the floor.

"How_ WHAT_ works?" Ziva demanded. She did not know what McGee meant.

Tony forced a smile for Ziva, "The plan."

"YOU have an escape plan?" Ziva asked incredulously. How in the world would they escape? She had thought of every possibility, worked out every possible option and nothing would work.

Tony winked and nodded at her. He knew that they did not have much time left and he would have to explain everything as quickly as possible. His heart began to race as the realization sunk in him. He was going to be going home, and he was taking Ziva with him; alive.

"Tony, they have thirty men, heavily armed. They have anti-tank, anti-aircraft weapons. What do you have?" The grin on his face astounded her. They were minutes, perhaps seconds from death and he looked like a devious five year old that was just told an incredible secret and would not share. Her heart began to swell up as his face really got to her. She had missed him immensely. Not just him physically, but his humour and the way he was always trying to make her laugh or get a rise out of her. If they survived this she did not know what would happen. Things would not just go back to the way they were. He was still Tony, but she did not believe that she was still Ziva.

* * *

Tony saw the confusion and hesitation in her eyes. She had been here for so long, the idea of escaping probably seemed impossible. He wished he could reassure her and tell her that everything would be alright. Though even when they did escape, he was sure things would not be completely alright. She felt like an entirely different person to him. He wanted desperately to just scoop her up in his arms and carry her away to somewhere that no one could hurt her, not even herself. He sighed "Well, that's where things get a little tricky . . . You see McGee and I were kind of taken prisoner on purpose."

…

"Wait - you got captured on PURPOSE?" Life had sparked back in her and her veins shot with adrenaline. This was stupid even for Tony; this maverick mission would not save them.

"Yep." Tony said smugly as he saw a glint return to her eyes.

"Tony, these men are killers." she whispered, trying to keep her anger in control.

"I know. That's why we have to stay alive long enough to not get dead." Maybe she was not as badly broken as he thought. He could almost feel the anger radiating off her. At least it was something, some emotion to prove that she was still alive.

"That would involve getting rescued?" Anger was quickly washed over with confusion. Who else had Tony endangered to avenge her death?

Tony grinned and nodded, "Yes, it would."

"How long is the going to take?" She asked.

"I don't know - how long do you think I've been talking?" Tony replied, honestly not knowing how long they had been speaking. It felt like a lifetime.

"What's the plan?" Ziva hissed at him

Nonchalantly, Tony whispered, "Oh, well, we fail to contact Dubai, word gets to the carrier group in the Med, and they scramble F-22 Raptors that burn sand into glass. How long is that going to take? I dunno - - hours, days?" He heard a lot of movement outside and he knew that they must be preparing to overtake the building. The next few minutes were going to be absolutely crucial.

"Ziva - can you fight?"

* * *

She did not know what to say. What did he mean fight? They were still shackled to the chairs and there was no warning that they were about to be rescued. His plan did not even make sense to her. There was no way the Americans would be able to send help out to him this fast. Unless he had been in here for longer than she assumed. She sighed. There were too many unanswered questions and it was wearing her out. The main thing she wanted to know was why Tony was really here. Did he really care for her so much that he _could not live without her_? She was snapped back into the moment as she heard the door slam open.

"Oh, hey, Saleem, what's up, man? What's the commotion?" Tony said as he smirked to him. This was perfect; he had this vile disgusting excuse for a man in the room. Now all he had to do was keep him in here long enough for Gibbs to do his part.

Saleem came behind Ziva and grabbed her hair to pull her head back. Ziva did not resist as she knew it had been coming. This was her time; she had accepted the fact that she was going to die. It twisted her insides knowing that Tony and McGee would soon be next. She had to do something, anything to try and save them. He had put a knife to her throat and was just about to slice when she stopped him. "WAIT! If they do not check in, their people will come looking for them."

"Ziva, shut up." He hissed at her. What was she doing? He told her that he had a plan!

"Only kill me - you'll need the Americans for leverage."

Saleem sneered at her, "I do not make bargains."

Tony knew the situation was getting out of control and he had to do something quick. "Do you make pizza?" He signalled for McGee.

McGee recognized the cue and swept his leg around, knocking Saleem off his feet as the knife clattered to the ground. They struggled briefly, but Saleem pulled out his gun and pointed it at McGee.

"Stop, stop, stop!" Tony yelled. He needed Saleem to get up, to be standing. He needed him to be seen from the window. Quickly he thought back to their earlier discussion right as they were captured and just after Saleem had knocked McGee out. He had told Saleem about the members of his team and about their mission and about Ziva but he had not said anything about himself.

"Why?" Saleem asked as he glared at McGee. There was an air of arrogance that this Tony had that amused him. They had tried to escape and failed. It was a pitiful attempt. He almost felt like laughing. He could play along with this silly American's game for another minute or two. What did it matter they were all going to die anyways.

"I told you about the brains, I told you about the guts, I told you about the muscle - the scientist, the politician, the leader. I told you about every member of the team . . . "Tony said gasping for breath, ". . . except myself. The part I play."

"Which is?" Saleem asked. Intrigued he stood up and walked over to Tony.

Tony caught his breath and continued: "I'm the wild card. I'm the guy that looks at the reality in front of him and refuses to accept it. Like, right now - I should be terrified, right? But I'm not. I can't stop thinking about the movie 'True Lies', you know - when Arnie's strapped to the chair, shot full of truth serum, and he picks his cuffs and he kills everybody?" Suddenly confident Tony smirked. He knew Gibbs would be ready by now "You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem."

"But you are still bound. You're lying." Saleem laughed. He must be going crazy. _I will kill Ziva first just to watch his pain._ She was lifeless already and it disgusted him. There would be more pleasure gained from Tony's reaction.

Tony smiled and he knew this would be it. Either he was taking Ziva home with him, or he was dying right here and right now out in this desert with her. "I can't lie. But I didn't say I was going to be the one to kill you. Remember when I told you that my boss was a sniper?"

Suddenly the sound of glass exploding filled all their ear drums, followed by the sound of Saleem toppling to the ground; he was dead.

McGee was quick to get up and grab Saleem's knife, he quickly got up and jumped over to Tony's side. The probie started cutting Tony's binds and soon enough they were both free. As McGee worked to release Ziva, Tony looked at her eyes and followed her gaze. She was staring at Saleem. They watched as the blood poured out of his head and mixed with her pools of blood that were drying on the sand covered floor. Ziva shuddered Tony wished that he knew what she was thinking wished that there was some way he could pull her out of her trance. His wish came true as another guard barrelled through the door. Before he could get a shot, the sound of broken glass was heard again and this man too toppled to the floor. _Thank you Gibbs,_ Tony thought before he kicked into survivor mode. _Right, get her out of here._

Ziva made no protest as Tony swooped her into his arms, cradling her. There was no way her frail body would be able to support her weight, especially right now. She was in shock, completely checked out of the situation and Tony knew it. He could see in her eyes that her mind was protecting itself and for that he was grateful. McGee started towards the door and Tony followed. The got into the hallway and barely had time to blink before another terrorist had come around the corner. A second later a gunshot rang out and he, just like Saleem and the other man toppled over. McGee and Tony careful rounded the corner and there he stood. Gibbs.

Tony was immediately overwhelmed with relief. Their leader was here, his best friend was here and the woman he adored more than anything was here. His family was complete again. He looked back at the room that had been her torture chamber and sighed. She was free at last, but it would be a long road until they really had their Ziva back.


	8. Black Hawks and Hercules

**_A/N:_** _Hello everyone, I am so sorry about the major delay. I have been busy with work and travel. Little bit of a lack of inspiration too. Tonight's episode put some fire in my veins though. C'mon NCIS, bring back my TIVA ... no EJ no CIRAY. Get them out! Hope you enjoy :)_

* * *

_"You have thirty seconds to live, Saleem." _

What was he talking about? He must be going crazy. Ziva revelled at the idea of Saleem dying but she could not comprehend what Tony meant by that. They were both bound and although McGee was not, she knew he would never be a match for Saleem. Saleem and Tony were still speaking but she could not pick out the words, everything was blending and it was just white noise to the chaos in her mind. Lost in thought, Ziva jumped when the sound of glass shattering overwhelmed her ears. She turned just in time to see Salem's body jerk and topple to the sand covered floor.

She stared at him for a while before she realized what had happened. He had been shot in the head and was bleeding out. His freshly spilt blood was pooling around his skull and was now mixing with the dried pools of her blood. The image was enough to make her sick to her stomach, but she held the bile down. She was staring for what felt like hours, when the sound of glass shattering again brought her back to reality. She was being picked up and the sense of unbalance made her dizzy. She felt her body pressed up against something as it left the room, but she could not take her eyes off the blood.

She realized she was being carried when her line of sight was no longer within the room. A shot rang out but she could not comprehend where it had come from or what it had meant. She heard a sigh and felt the arms that were holding her relax. She strained her neck to see the source of comfort and she choked out a cry. It was Gibbs. Gibbs was here, he had come for her.

* * *

"Can you walk Ziver?" Gibbs had asked as he approached them. He saw the protective way Tony was clutching her and really took in the sight of her. She was an absolute mess; covered in blood and bruises, sweaty and dirty, and frail, so thin and fragile. He was not used to seeing his team member, a woman who had been like a daughter to him, looking so weak. But none of this mattered, she was alive. He had failed Shannon and Kelly, but he had not failed Ziver. She was alive and was going to bring her home.

"I am not sure Gibbs," she breathed. She realized almost immediately that it was Tony who held her and she flinched. "Please put me down Tony."

"Zee … I don't know if that is such a good idea." He questioned looking up at Gibbs.

"I need to see if I can walk Tony, let me down." She stated without emotion.

"Boss …"

"Let her down Tony, if she can't walk we will find out soon enough." Gibbs knew she had to do this, but he took a step closer to her in case their suspicions were correct.

Tony set her down gently but unwillingly. He did not like the idea of Ziva exerting herself like this before being checked out by a doctor. She had lost so much blood and weight, but he still set her down and watched her stand on uneasy legs. She stood for a few shaky seconds before she dared to take a step. When she did, it was clear her body was too weak and she ended up collapsing into Gibbs arms.

"Baby steps Ziver," he murmured into her ear. "Let's get you to the chopper."

Tony was about to protest to Gibbs that he could take her, but the older man had already picked her up and had started walking. Tony did not dare postpone getting her out of this hell hole any longer. The camp had already been secured and there was a Black Hawk waiting for them in a small clearing. All four of them got in, and Ziva was strapped into a stretcher without any protest.

* * *

There was a medic on board who hooked her up to an IV and checked all her vitals. The medic turned to Gibbs and began to share his findings. Physically speaking she had a broken nose, but did not have any other breaks. There were a few serious wounds, but nothing that he could treat until they were on the Hercules home. Emotionally speaking was a different story. She had flinched and cowered every time he had touched her. He quietly mentioned to Gibbs that she should have an SAE kit done as soon as they landed.

Tony knew he had not been meant to hear any of that, but he had listened anyways and was now in a panic. The medic had alluded to the fact that Ziva had been raped. His mind started spinning and before he knew it, he was vomiting. The medic immediately jumped up and came to his side.  
"I'm fine, just a little motion sickness." He lied as he locked eyes with Gibbs.

The medic turned back to Ziva, "Ms. David, I have to reset your nose. It is broken and out of place. It has been sitting like this for a while so it will hurt. Do you understand?"

Ziva nodded her head and looked to the ceiling. The medic's hands gently grabbed the bridge of her nose and despite her best efforts, she still flinched. "Okay Ms. David, I'm going to count to three. One, two, three …" The audible crunch of her nose being thrust back into place was enough to make all three men shudder. A few tears escaped Ziva's tear ducts and she let her head roll back to the side. She instantly locked eyes with Tony.

They stared into each other's eyes for the remainder of the helicopter flight. It was a gaze so intense that neither Gibbs nor McGee had said a word. Gibbs had wanted to speak to Tony and let Ziva rest, but he was not about to break up whatever they were doing. He hoped that in some way this was the beginning of her healing process.

* * *

The Black Hawk had landed and they were switching to a Hercules that would take them back to D.C. Tony was grateful to have a long flight and be able to process everything that had happened. He was flying home, and he was flying home with his _Zee-vah._ Was she still Ziva though? Physically yes, but emotionally? The way she had stared at him on the previous flight had him uneasy. Her eyes had still lacked her usual fire even though she was no longer in the prison camp. He hoped that when they got her home, she would relax a little and realize that she would never be hurt like that again. As long as he had air in his lungs, he swore to never see her or let her be physically harmed like that. He loved her, and he needed to let her know. He just did not know when a good time to tell her would be.

She had been brought aboard the Herc on the stretcher and was brought to a different part of the plane than her team. She was switched onto a cot and the medic had continued his exam. He had her lay on her stomach while he cut off her shirt. The anxiety was getting to her and she began to shake. "Ms. David, I am so sorry. I understand this is very traumatic for you, but I need to access the wounds and I need to clean them before they become infected." She nodded her head and tried to find her center. She knew the wounds were extensive and she knew it would take a while for him to clean all of her marks. Her mind drifted off as medic began to poke and prod her back.

Saleem was dead, she was free. Tony had come half way around the world to avenge her death and ended up saving her life. The man of her life had saved her and he was here, her last wish but she did not know if she could say the words. She loved him that much she knew, but there was no way he could love her. Her body was broken, used and beaten. Tony only loved beautiful women. She once had been beautiful but now she was frail and would be scarred. She flinched at everyone's touch because they all felt like Saleem. How could she let Tony touch her? If he could not touch her, how could he love her?


	9. Long Flight Home

_**A/N:** Thank you for being so patient everyone. FF is being very inconsistent with me right now. I have been waiting for a full 24 hours to post this, the site would not let me login. Anyways, I apologize in advance for this being a shorter chapter as well as a bit of a cliffhanger. Cannot wait til it's Tuesday night! 3_

* * *

Gibbs, Tony and McGee all sat wordlessly in the noisy transport. Tony had finally sat down after a few harsh words from Gibbs. He had paced for the first three hours while in the plane, anxious to see how Ziva was. It concerned him that he had not seen the medic yet. He did not think that he would see her until the plane landed, but surely the medic should have come out to report to Gibbs. Another two hours into the flight Tony stood up and began pacing again.

"Sit down DiNozzo." Gibbs said coolly. "Driving yourself…

"Or us." McGee mumbled.

"… mad isn't going to do anything to help her, so just sit down and wait it out like the rest of us."

Tony's vision flashed red. How could he be so calm and cool? Yeah Ziva was out of immediate danger but she was still hurt, badly wounded. She needed him. Did she not? His crazy ninja chick had never needed anyone in her life, before now. All he wanted to do was protect her and cradle her in his arms; to hold her tight and bury his face into her hair. He wanted to breathe in that familiar scent of jasmine and vanilla that breezed off her sun kissed body; her now scarred and battered body. He took a moment to realize that she did not look like his _Zee-vah._ She was malnourished and had been … he mentally stuttered over the word, raped. The woman he loved had been violated by the man she loathed, the man that he now loathed too. He got off easy; the scum deserved a much more punishing form of death.

"Boss, the medic has been with her for five hours. Something has to be wrong!"

"Yeah, DiNozzo something is wrong. She's been held up in a prisoner camp for three months, beaten and violated in more ways you can imagine. So yes I would say something is wrong. She needs extensive medical attention, and she will probably be in Bethesda for a few weeks. So sit down and shut up or I will put you on paperwork duty for the rest of the year."

Tony huffed, but gave in and sat back down beside Gibbs. Minutes later the medic came out and Tony shot back up again, this time Gibbs stood with him.

"What do you got doc?" Gibbs asked.

"She is sedated right now. During the examination, her anxiety peaked and she damn near broke her back trying to get off the cot. Obviously under these circumstances I can understand why she reacted like that but it was too dangerous for her. Like I told you on the chopper, there were some extensive wounds. I treated her as best I could and she is bandaged up, but she will need to have a thorough exam at a hospital, as well as what we spoke of Agent Gibbs." He added on quietly.

Tony shifted awkwardly at the words, he did not know why but the medic's words did not put him at ease. Something was eating away at his gut and he did not understand the sensation, but he could feel that Ziva needed him right now.

* * *

Ziva struggled to open her eyes. Her head was throbbing and she could not understand why she was so groggy. She thought back and shivered; the exam had been horrible. The medic's hands, even though covered with latex had still felt far too close to Saleem's. Her shakes had turned into violent shudders and she tried to escape the situation. She rolled away and ended up rolling right off the cot. Her head screamed in protest as it smashed against the metal floor. She remembered that she had been struck with the metal pipe not seven hours ago. Reality snapped back to her and she knew to not fight the medic, and let him finish his exam. As he helped her back onto the cot, his mouth was moving but she could not hear the words he said. The pounding in her skull was deafening and it drowned out any other noise. Before she could open her lips, he had pulled out a syringe and was injecting it into her arm. Her eyes had fluttered and slowly the room turned black.

_Ahh, he must have sedated me_, she thought. If her skull truly was cracked though, sedation was the last thing she needed. Though her vision was blurry, she could still tell that no one was in the room with her. The medic was gone and she desperately needed him to come back. She needed to tell him about her head and that she needed to be kept awake, not in a drug induced stupor. She cleared her throat and tried to call out, but it was futile; her voice barely came out in a whisper. The reality of the situation was sinking in; if she were to fall asleep again she may never wake up.

_Is this not the epitome of irony, I come out of a terrorist camp alive, only to be accidentally killed by a medic. _It sounded quite theatrical, the stuff that true Hollywood stories were made of. Her throat hitched as the thought transformed into an image of Tony. She tried to sit up but found the movement extremely difficult. Her limbs refused to co-operate with her and she felt the familiar pull of blackness. _Oh no, no, no I cannot let it pull me under again. I have to fight, I have to fight…_ Her eyelids began to droop and within seconds the darkness consumed her.


	10. My Bond Girl

**_A/N: _**_Hey guys I am so sorry this is taking forever to update, I am actually in Turkey right now on vacation. When I am not out basking in the sunshine the internet connection is only available in the lobby so I do not really feel like spending the time indoors. Anyways, here is a little update to satiate your want for this story. I apologise for leaving it on a cliffhanger. Xo_

* * *

"Can we see her?" DiNozzo asked the medic.

"I would recommend against it right now," he said. "At least wait until she is awake. Wouldn't want to startle her right now."

Tony nodded but did not say anything else. Something still did not feel right to him. He and Gibbs both sat down though as the medic went to speak to the crew.

"Boss, my gut is telling me something is wrong, "he whispered. As Gibbs gave him a look he continued speaking, "Yeah I know boss, but I meant something besides the obvious. I know she is my partner, not my gi – he stuttered over the word – girlfriend, or … wife," he tacked on. "But did you ever just get these feelings about Shannon. Or Kelly? My gut is _screaming _at me that she's not alright, like she is still in danger."

Gibbs had been about to tell him to shut up but stopped when he heard their names. It still hurt whenever someone brought up his girls, but he knew DiNozzo would not have mentioned it if he did not truly believe Ziver was in trouble. He knew exactly what Tony was describing and just how awful it felt. Hell he had a conversation with a marine buddy of his just days before his girls had been killed.

"DiNozzo, go check on her, but do not disturb her."

* * *

Tony got up, thankful for Gibbs approval. He made his way to the small medic room that was in the belly of the Herc and paused at the door. He took a deep breath, but he still could not get over the fact that she was alive. Months of assuming she was dead had fried his nerves. But she was alive; in the literal sense of the word, and behind the thin metal door he stood trembling in front of. He could not shake the image of her slumped in the dusty, blood covered chair as Saleem pulled the sack off of her.

She had gone from dead, to on the brink of death, to safe and alive all within the span of a few hours. It made his head spin just thinking about it. _Maybe that's what's throwing my gut off. I cannot even imagine what is going on in her head. Sedation must be like a god send to her right now. I should just relax and wait for her to wake up._

He turned around and stopped. _Unless … she is under and all she can dream about is that place, her personal hell. She could be fighting for her sanity right now and I am just going to walk away? No. I will quickly check on her. _He finally reasoned with himself and turned back around.

He would take a look at her face; her beautiful but bruised face. If he saw serenity he would leave her be. If he saw anguish he would shake her awake till she came to and her nightmares disappeared back to Somalia. He needed to see her face, the face that he would go to the ends of the world for. All he wanted to do was pull her into an embrace and never let her go. To bury his face into her goddess like hair and promise her that nothing would ever happen to her again. He needed to tell her that he loved her.

* * *

Tony exhaled slowly and opened the door. Zivas chest was rising and falling, and with those shallow movements he knew she was still under. He walked silently to her cot and kneeled down beside her. Her face was smooth and her features were slack with relaxation. Tony had never seen her look so peaceful. Gently he picked up her battered hand. He watched the one eyelid that was not swollen shut and she remained still. Slowly, he brought her bandaged hand up to his lips and began to kiss her fingers. Although it was bandaged all the way down to her wrists, some of the skin was still exposed.

"_Zee-vah_," he breathed. "I am so sorry. Rule number one , never screw over your partner." A single tear escaped his eye and it streaked down his cheek and landed on her ring finger.

Tony closed his eyes and leaned into the side of Zivas face. Even though she had not showered in weeks and she was still covered in a thin sheen of sweat, he breathed in her scent and shuddered. This ghost of a ninja could still evoke his primal need for her.

"Zee," he murmured into her ear praying she did not wake. "You are coming home and you are going to be safe. I promise you this." His breath hitched but he continued whispering to her. "All I want is to curl up on my couch with you and go on a Bond marathon. You know I do a wicked Connery and let's face it; you would be the ultimate Bond girl. Vesper couldn't hold a candle to you." His thoughts instantly drove to the image of Ziva undercover at a club in Morocco. He had not been there but he had still seen the dress she wore. She looked like an absolute knock out and he had fantasized many times about her in that dress. She really would make a perfect Bond girl, curvy body, gorgeous hair, and the most beautiful face. Her attitude alone and the fact that she was an assassin really did make for a cinematic bombshell.

He pulled him back into the present, knowing those thoughts were steering him into dangerous territory. "_Zee-vah_, you are the strongest person I know. You're going to get through this and I will be with you every step of the way … if you let me."

"I love you." Even in her unconscious state he prayed that she had heard every word.

He pulled back away from her, slightly dizzy from the proclamation he had just declared. Even if Ziva was out of it, it was the first time he had said the words out loud about her.

* * *

Something crimson caught his attention and he immediately spiralled from his high. There in her perfect little ears that he had professed his love into; was blood. Fresh, crimson blood. It was starting to drip and his stomach dropped. He was right, she was still in danger and they had only made it worse.


	11. Rule Number Six

_**A/N:** __Hey guys I am so sorry for the ridiclous length of time in between these chapters. This story is still very much getting started so please have faith. Swan Song gave me so much hope and then Pyramid took it all away. Still a strong believer in TIVA though, season 9 is going to be alllllll about them. The writers are smart, they know the Tony and Ziva dynamic is way too much of a factor for fans to just screw up this royally. So keep faith. I think I may have found my muse, so here's hoping the writer's block is finished. Enjoy, xo._

* * *

McGee had all but fallen asleep when he heard Tony's panicked voice calling out for the medic. It took him a second to fully understand what he was shouting but Gibbs had already jumped up and ran towards the senior field agent. As McGee stood up to follow Gibbs he heard Tony shout out once more.

"Where the hell is the medic? Somebody get the medic down to the sick bay! Or whatever the hell it is you people call it on an airplane!" The urgency in Tony's voice was enough to scare McGee into action and he stood up and chased after his boss.

"DiNozzo, this had better be good." Gibbs said dryly. "What the hell is going on?"

"Ziva!" He all but screamed at his boss. "She's bleeding from her ears. Where the hell is that god damn medic?"

* * *

As the medic was located and brought back to Ziva, it took everything in McGee and Gibbs to tear Tony away from her. They had to physically restrain him to pull him out of the room; away from her. Tony was breaking down with every step he took as the sight of her peaceful face disappeared from his line of sight.

It just did not make sense how she could look so calm but be in so much peril. The drugs she had been given had clearly pulled her under so deep that he feared for her life now more so than ever. He had absolutely no idea why she was bleeding from her ears and desperately needed to know the cause. It was only when he was forced to sit down did he realize that Tim and Gibbs had been the reason he was no longer beside her.

He went to stand and was shoved back down by his boss, but before he could protest Gibbs started to speak.

"Sit down DiNozzo. She needs to be examined again. We don't know why the hell she is bleeding but the medic is trying to find that out. I am just as pissed off as you are right now but he needs space to figure out what is causing this. So just sit down and wait."

Tony's fury peaked and he started to shake with rage. His partner could be dying not thirty feet away from him and he was being told to just sit down and wait. He closed his eyes and saw her again, saw the blood trickling down her ear lobe. Tony shuddered at the vision and immediately opened his now blurry eyes. He fought back the tears and forced himself to take a deep and calming breath. He exhaled with so much effort that he had to suck in another breath. The intake hitched in his throat and it took him a moment to realize that he was sobbing. Tony DiNozzo was sobbing, in front of his boss and his probie.

Mortified, he fought for control and as quickly as it had started, Tony's sobs had subsided and he took one final deep breath. McGee looked embarrassed to have seen this moment of sheer grief and Gibbs was looking at him like a worried father.

"She is going to be alright. I know it. We just got her back; nothing can happen to her now," he stated. "I won't let anything happen to her, not now. Not now."

Gibbs and McGee exchanged a look as Tony repeated that last line over and over like a personal mantra. They were both worried about Ziva but they needed to stay strong for Tony, who was becoming more distraught by the minute.

* * *

Twenty minutes went by, though it seemed like an eternity before the medic came back out. All three men stared hesitantly in his direction waiting for him to speak.

"I-I," he stammered. "I do not know how I could have missed it when I was examining her, but she has a rather large gash on the side of her head, evidence of blunt force trauma. I believe her skull is fractured."

Tony sucked in the air suddenly and had to fight to control his breathing again.

"Is that why her ears were bleeding out? Because that bastard smashed her in the head with something?"

"Yes Agent DiNozzo, it looks like that is the case."

"So what can you do about it right now until we land?" Gibbs asked; his voice filled with concern.

"Well unfortunately there isn't a whole lot I can do. She is going to need surgery and I just do not have the equipment needed, nor is this the perfect environment for surgery. The sedation is a huge danger to her now so I have given her some uppers to see if that will coax her out of her unconscious state. At this point she has a fifty, fifty shot of making it back to Washington alive in time for surgery. I am so sorry Agent Gibbs."

The medic stood uncomfortably in the silence before turning and walking back to Ziva. All three men remained, stunned into silence.

"She isn't going to die boss." Tony said flatly. "I didn't come half way around the world to find out she was alive, only to have her ripped away from me hours later. She isn't going to die."

He turned away from them and started walking to where Ziva was, not even bothering to hide the fact that his eyes had completely glossed over. A hand was placed on his shoulder before he had made it three steps. He stopped and slowly turned back around to reveal Gibbs looking softly at him.

"Don't worry DiNozzo, she is tough as nails. She can fight this and when she does, tell her how you really feel. She is going to need to hear it"

With that said he let go of him and watched him walk back to the woman that Tony loved more than he could ever truly admit. Gibbs gave rule twelve a thought, but dismissed it as soon as it came. His agents were a hell of a lot more careful when it came to that rule, and it had been inevitable from the beginning. The two of them were like magnets, nothing could keep them apart. Not even his rules could outshine the love they had beneath the surface for each other. The rules were meant to keep his life in order, and his life safe. This was not his life though, it was theirs and he knew he could trust them with his. Hell they worked better when they were practically on top of each other. He had never really been a religious man, especially after his girls; but he was praying that he would not lose another daughter.

* * *

Tony had walked back into the room where Ziva was. She was still lying on the cot with the same peaceful look on her face.

"_Zee-vah," _he whispered into her hand as he took it in his. "You can't die on me now ninja chick. Not after you survived the past three months. I don't think I can go on without you again. My life lost all meaning Zee, you've got to wake up for me. If not for me wake up for Abby, you know she has been an absolute mess without you. No amount of music or hugs from Bert can make her smile anymore. The team can't take another loss, not after Kate and Jenny. But loosing you, that hurt the most and we just can't lose you twice."

Silent tears fell from the corners of his eyes and he let them roll down his face and fall onto her hand. She twitched slightly and his heart leapt out of his chest. He watched intently as her fingers started to stretch one by one, and the movement of her chest increased. He heard her take a deep breath and watched as her eyes started to flutter.

"_Zee-vah?"_ he whispered softly.

As she began to regain consciousness Ziva sensed that she was not alone. The drugs still held her to the cot as she struggled to regain control of her limbs. The panic began to rise in her as she realized that someone was standing over top of her and she attempted to open her eyes. Her heart stopped when she heard his voice. His voice was drawing out her name with impossible accuracy. No, this had to be some mistake, a trick of the ear. Saleem could never perfectly roll out her name like Tony did, so this only left one option. Her eyes fluttered open and she gasped at the sight. Tony was standing over her with the most concerned and loving smile and his jade eyes that glistened with tears. Her wish had come true. She was staring into his rugged face and she heard him say her name, was this to be the last time?

"Zee! You're awake. Can you talk? Can you move?" he voiced out hurriedly. "Wait bad idea. Don't move, you can't move. I have to go get the medic!"

He jumped up and stood torn between leaving her and not leaving to get the medic. He opted to stand in the door and shout out to anyone that would listen. "I need the medic, she's awake! Boss, McGee get the medic!"

Frustrated by a lack of response, Tony took a quick look at her again and promised her that he would be right back. As Tony approached the main bay of the Herc, the plane suddenly shifted to the left causing him to stumble but not fall. As he regained his balance he spotted Gibbs approaching him, but before he could open his mouth to speak, the plane hit another patch of turbulence and violently jerked him up and into the exposed metal posts. He heard his head crack and watched Gibbs slowly disappear from his vision.

* * *

When Tony finally regained consciousness it was eerily quiet on the plane. He groggily opened his eyes and realized that the room he was in was definitely not a plane and the brightness of it nearly blinded him. He blinked furiously trying to let his eyes adjust as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. He was in a hospital room that much was for certain, but how had he got there? The last thing he remembered was getting his bell rung when was jostled from the turbulence. They had still been over the Atlantic at that time, which meant that a considerable amount of time had passed. The throbbing in his head brought him back to the present and he found the nurse call button. He was going to need some more drugs or at least someone to come in and tell him where the hell he was.

As his mind began to clear the fog, the most important question came to the front of his mind. Where was Ziva? Before he could rip the various cords and tubes off of him and jump out of the bed to find her, Gibbs walked into the room. Tony relaxed slightly, knowing his boss would know Ziva's whereabouts.

"Gibbs, where is she? Did they bring her into surgery? When can I see her?"

Tony's smile faltered when he took in the look on Gibbs face. His eyes were red and his usually strong shoulders were hung heavily and slumped forward.

"Tony … I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, no Gibbs. Don't say that. Rule 6, never say you're sorry."

"Tony," Gibbs breathed out his name heavily. "Ziva is gone."

"Gone? Gone how? Is she at Bethesda?" Tony barely managed to get out. He had started choking on his words.

"No Tony, Ziva is dead."


	12. Drink Another Down

**_A/N:_**___ Thank you to everyone who is reviewing and putting this story on there alerts. I warned everyone this would be an angsty story! Have faith though :)_

* * *

It poured that day.

_Of course it fucking would. _He thought to himself. _What else could possibly make this day any worse?_

Before he could continue that thought, his cell rang.

"DiNozzo, where the hell are you?" the angered voice shouted as he soon as he answered it.

"I'm here, I just don't know if I can come any closer."

"You missed the procession," he stated still pissed. "Everyone is here and it's about to start so you'd better get your ass up here now. Abby needs you."

He snapped his cell shut and took a deep breath. He could not do this; he could not say goodbye. He was grateful that they were following a somewhat traditional Jewish funeral. They were starting at the burial ground, and there would not be a viewing of her body. Three days had gone by fast; too fast, it was a blur. You never really realize how much needed to be done for a funeral, especially one that was not planned or expected. He could not function and barely spoke to anyone in these past seventy two hours. The only sign of life he had shown after Gibbs told him in the hospital was an explosive argument he had yesterday morning. It had been the only thing left worth fighting over; Ziva's final resting place.

* * *

Eli had flown into Washington on the first flight out and was met by a distraught MCRT team who threw murderous glares in his direction as he made his way up to Director Vance's office. Minutes later the two had descended announcing that Ziva's body was to be flown back to Israel. Fury erupted in Tony and he let it all out on Eli

"_Who the hell do you think you are? Barging into this building and demanding her body to go back with you." Tony screamed. _

"_She was MY daughter, Agent DiNozzo," Eli bellowed back. "She was an officer of Mossad and citizen of Israel."_

"_A daughter that you sent out and then left in the desert to die! She deserves to be close to the people who really love her; her family to the truest sense of the word. She may have had your blood pumping through her veins but you were never her father. The only genuine dad she has ever known is standing ten feet behind me; Leroy Jethro Gibbs. You gave up that title the second you decided not to search for her. You gave the order to bring down the Damocles and you knew damn well she made it to the camp alone. Oh no, you gave up the right to decide where she rests that very moment you decided she didn't mean enough to you to go and get her back; dead or alive!"_

"_All of this means nothing in the legal system. She was Israeli; her body is coming back with me. This is not up for debate Agent DiNozzo." Eli said without emotion._

_Tony's blood was boiling. Eli kept referring to her in the past tense and it crushed the pieces of his shattered heart into dust. She was really gone and this cold hearted bastard was trying to take what little they had left of her with him. He had been counting on being able to visit her final resting place every single damn day of the year. Not entirely sure if he would actually be able to bear that, but the option up until now was there. He could not stand to be in the same room with Eli any longer so he turned and made his exit to the elevator. _

_As soon as he had gotten outside he broke into a sprint to her favourite bench. He sat down and his head collapsed into his hands and he let the emotions that had built up rip through him. It could have been hours but he knew it was only a couple minutes before Gibbs found him. He sat down beside Tony and in typical Gibbs fashion did not say much, but it was exactly what Tony needed to get up and go back into the building._

"_Vance is speaking to Eli. We will figure this out, she will be buried here I promise you that."_

* * *

Tony took in a deep breath and opened his door. He did not know how Vance and Gibbs had done it, but she was being buried here. Here in Washington, on American soil. He shut his door and took a few shaky steps before stopping. He could not do this; he could not bury another partner. He could not bury the woman he loved; the woman he never told of his love. He let out the breath he had been holding in and it took everything in him to keep walking.

Everyone had already gathered around her site and although there were not many people there, the love and sadness emanating off of everyone was enough to overwhelm Tony. Abby's bloodshot eyes, untouched by make-up were the first to lock with his and she embraced him tighter than he had ever felt before. Gibbs was right, she did need him. He had to be the glue for just one more hour. He would stay strong for everyone before he could let himself succumb to the grief and the unbearable pain.

They had all taken their turns offering up stories and feelings about Ziva. Ducky had surprisingly kept it short only reminiscing about tales that involved her. Palmer had offered his limited memories, and condolences. McGee's was more heartfelt, explaining how she had been an amazing friend and a great co-worker. Abby's was heart wrenching to everyone listening and watching. The poor girl could barely keep it together long enough to complete her sentences. They really had been like sisters and Abby had cherished it with a passion. Gibbs had spoken more words than anyone had ever heard before. Ziva was by all means was a daughter to him, and now he had lost two. The pain of losing Ziva, echoed by the loss of Kelly had a haunting effect on his eyes and it made the whole team tear up. When it was Tony's turn to speak everyone focused on him; utterly silent knowing how much this was killing him. They all knew how much Tony cared for Ziva, and they knew the love he had for her.

"This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I keep burying these amazing women in my life and it sure as hell is not getting any easier. As you all know, Ziva and I were partners and we were an incredible team. We had this amazing 'pah' between us and is and will be impossible to replace. Ziva David was an unbelievable woman, the most interesting and beautiful woman I have ever met. She had this incredible aura around her and you couldn't help but just be wrapped up in it. She had the most infectious smile and devious grin." He took a deep breath to steady himself. He was already shaking violently and struggled to keep the bile down in his stomach. This was so wrong, he was still waiting for the moment he woke up and discovered this was all some sick and twisted dream his subconscious had concocted up. He took another deep breath and continued.

"She saved my life many times, and almost killed me twice as many." He managed a small laugh and was able to get a smile out of everyone. "We have been through a lot together and she was tough as nails through all of it. She was our rock; we all leaned on her for support and for strength. Ziva was my best friend. I never told her that, but I know she knew. I'd like to think that I was her best friend. We had a bond that went through thick and thin. Although in the events leading up – to this…" he stammered, not wanting to remember that this, all of this was his fault. "I did not act like a best friend. I never got the chance to fully apologize. I also never got the chance to tell her how I truly felt. I loved Ziva David, no, I _love_ Ziva, and I think I always will."

* * *

A few hours later they were all sitting in the same booth of a bar sharing memories of Ziva. Everyone had offered up a story, except for Tony who was six glasses deep of whiskey and disturbingly quiet. No one said anything as he got up paid his tab and left the bar. Gibbs followed him out and was met by a distraught Tony.

"Boss save it, I'm not going to drive. I will walk home and come get my car tomorrow."

"Tony, I was just going to offer you a ride. I know you're not stupid enough to get behind the wheel right now. "

"No it's fine. I need to walk, try and clear my head."

"Text Abby when you get home then, you know she's going to worry. Don't bother showing up tomorrow either, we have the rest of the week off."

Tony began to walk and was stopped by Gibbs, "Tony."

"Yeah boss?"

"Don't do anything stupid. We all miss her beyond words, but we sure as hell don't need to start missing you too. I know it hurts, but time will ease it."

"I'm not making any promises Gibbs and I don't see how this could possibly hurt any less."

* * *

Tony made it home and texted Abby letting her know that he was home, but asked her to not bother him for the rest of the evening. She would probably be a little offended, but he knew she would understand. She had McGee to comfort her, and all he needed right now was a bottle and a few hours of old Hollywood. Drinking in his apartment was a big mistake, she was still there. In the couch, in the chairs, in the walls, in every god damn piece of matter. Her whole existence was the air in the room and it choked him to breathe her in.

The television could not keep his interest and opted to look at photos instead. He was not much for photography but any time they went out Abby insisted on taking hundreds of photos. In hindsight he was so grateful for her and had requested copies of all of them. She had put them all on an external hard drive and given it to him the night he found out Ziva was dead. He started going through all the pictures and with each passing one he started crying. Pictures of Ziva and Abby at the mall together doing some girl bonding, the look on Ziva's face was priceless. She looked ready to kill Abby as she forced her to try on dress after dress. The all looked fantastic on her and he was saddened that he never got to see her that often in a dress.

The next photo made his heart stutter and his breath hitch. It was a photo of himself and Ziva at a barbeque at Ducky's house. She had wiped cake all over the side of his face and he had chased her around the yard. The picture was of Ziva in his arms with cake all up the side of her cheek where he had rubbed his face into hers. They were both laughing. He sighed and after several minutes grudgingly clicked to the following photo. It was another photo of him and Ziva and it sent him in a tailspin and his tears turned into sobs. It was taken immediately after the cake photo and it looked incredibly similar. The difference was they were not laughing. They both had a content smile on their faces and were locked in the most intense gaze that to a stranger it would look like the two were madly in love.

He stood up and walked away from his computer, grabbed the bottle of Jack and walked towards the kitchen. He took a sip from it and frowned when nothing came out. The bottle was full when he got home and he knew he needed another drink if he was going to have a chance in hell of remaining calm after seeing that photo. Luck was on his side as he searched his cabinet and found another bottle tucked away at the back. He did not realize he had bought it but pulled it out anyways and noticed a red string tied around it with a note. Curious he opened the note and sighed.

"Tony

When the nights get a little too hard and I'm not there for you.

Ziva "


End file.
